


Talking

by AFallingStar



Category: Glee
Genre: 2x15, Awkward Conversations, Innocence, M/M, Masturbation, Sex Talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:53:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24549439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFallingStar/pseuds/AFallingStar
Summary: You didn’t really think the day Kurt kicked Blaine out of his room was the last time they talked about it, did you? Rating for frank discussions of sex.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	Talking

**Author's Note:**

> I started posting this story a few months ago as a multi-chapter fic, but I wasn’t happy with the format. I decided my chapters were just too short and that it would function better as a one shot! So, if you feel like you’ve read this before, please keep reading as there’s now an actual conclusion! Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> PS: this story was inspired by a plot line in Netflix’s “Sex Education.” It’s a hilarious show, definitely check it out if you love awkwardness like I do!

They never talked about it.

Blaine knew that the topic of sex made Kurt embarrassed, even if he didn’t fully understand why. After that day that Kurt unceremoniously threw Blaine from his room, they never mentioned it again. The next day at school Blaine uttered a simple “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable” and that was that. But he noticed the topic was always festering under the surface, and he waited for the day it would come up again. He wondered if Kurt had talked with his father about it. He still wasn’t sure if asking Burt to intervene had been the right choice, but Kurt had seemed more cheerful in the weeks that followed so maybe they did have a talk, and maybe it had gone well.

Sometimes sex would come up in passing but it was always a brief mention and then they would move on. Blaine had always been something of an over share so he was frankly proud of himself for managing to go so long without some sort of slip up. The fact was, he thought about sex a lot. A lot a lot. And they were in a relationship now. He didn’t think that they needed to have sex anytime soon, but Kurt avoided the subject so well that he truly didn’t know what he thought about it. Was he afraid? Did he never want to have sex? Or was it just talking about it that made him embarrassed? Blaine didn’t know the answer to these questions and he didn’t know how to bring it up.

They had decided right off the bat that they would take it slow, though there hadn’t really been a real discussion, more of a mutual understanding. There had been many make out sessions with hips kept carefully apart and it never developed into anything else. Blaine was frankly relieved. For all the thinking he did about sex, he wasn’t sure when he’d be ready to actually jump in and do it.

But the fact still remained that he wanted to be able to talk to his boyfriend about it. He didn’t want to make Kurt uncomfortable by forcing him to talk about it, but maybe he could ease him into a discussion.

The day after their four month anniversary, Blaine decided to see what would happen if he brought the topic up in conversation.

“Do you think virginity is a real thing?” He casually asked as they lounged on Kurt’s bed, listening to music.

Kurt, lying on his stomach, had been flipping through a magazine and tried not to react to the question. But Blaine didn’t miss the way his hand paused on the corner of the page at his words.

“What? I don’t understand what you’re asking...or why you’re asking it,” he finally replied, glancing up at Blaine.

“Well, Wes and I were talking about the time he lost his virginity, and he asked me what constitutes losing your virginity when you’re gay,” Blaine quickly answered. “What do you think?”

“I should think that it would be obvious,” Kurt huffed as he resumed flipping through the magazine.

Blaine watched him for a moment before he responded. “Well that’s the thing, I don’t think it is obvious. I think most people would say ‘anal sex’ but some gay men never even have anal sex, so are they all technically virgins?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt replied, cheeks darkening as his fixed his gaze on the page in front of him. “And why were you even talking about this with him anyway?”

“Friends talk about sex all the time Kurt,” Blaine answered. “I like to share personal things with my friends, I feel like it makes us closer.”

“Hmm,” was the only response he got.

Blaine decided not to push any further, so he quickly got to the point.

“Well anyway, I started thinking about how virginity isn’t even a real, tangible thing, but rather a social tool that people use to determine each other’s worth. And I don’t even mean just gay couples, but think about how women who have sex before they’re married are somehow seen as less desirable in some cultures and religions. But then in high school being a virgin can somehow make you less desirable, you know?”

Kurt looked up and shrugged as he said “I suppose you have a point there. I guess I never really thought about it like that before.” He chewed the bottom of his lip for a moment before changing the subject, “What do you think of this jacket? Do you think suede is coming back?” And that was the end of that.

***

Almost another month passed before the topic came up again, and this time Blaine didn’t even plan it.

They were spending the evening watching a movie that Kurt had picked (some French title that Blaine couldn’t pronounce) and picking at the cheese board that they had carefully assembled together. Blaine wasn’t even really paying attention to the subtitles and he frankly had no idea what was going on with the plot. He had been swimming in his own thoughts after Kurt had tentatively brought up the idea of Blaine transferring to McKinley for the next year earlier that afternoon. He couldn’t make up his mind about whether or not it was a good decision, and his mind was battling back and forth as the words flew across the screen. So he could be forgiven that he didn’t immediately notice when the atmosphere of the movie...changed.

“Oh my god,” Kurt breathed from next to him, and he started fumbling blindly for the remote.

“Wait,” Blaine said as his brain finally caught up to what was happening. He felt his heart rate increase slightly as he noticed what was happening on the screen. “What are you doing?”

“We can’t watch this!” Kurt exclaimed, still patting down the bed and looking for the remote as he kept his gaze lowered away from the naked bodies on the screen. “It’s disgusting!”

“What do you mean? It’s pretty tastefully done if you ask me!”

“Well I didn’t ask you! We can’t just watch people have sex, it’s private and a violation!” He replied, finally laying his hand on the remote and switching the screen to black.

They breathed in silence for a moment, illuminated only by the small lamp on Kurt’s desk. “Atmosphere, Blaine!” He had exclaimed as he switched it on before the movie.

“Kurt? You know they were just acting right?” Blaine asked slowly, still trying to make sense of what had just happened.

“Of course I know that!” Kurt snapped back, “I just don’t see what that has to do with the plot!”

“People have sex all the time, it’s just part of the human experience. Some movies like to show it.”

“Well, I think it’s distasteful, and it’s weird that people enjoy watching others having a private moment even if it’s just fake.”

“If it’s so weird, why do so many people watch movies with sex scenes in them? Or better yet, why do people watch porn?”

“It’s disgusting that anyone would willing seek out to watch someone having a private moment for their own personal pleasure! It’s messed up.” By now Kurt’s arms had risen to fold across his chest and a dark blush stained his cheeks.

Blaine was momentarily taken aback and he struggled with how to respond. After nearly what felt like an eternity of silence he finally spoke.

“So you think that anyone who watches porn or a sex scene in a movie is disgusting?”

Kurt eyes were darting around the room before he replied, “It’s perverted to get off on other people’s personal moments.”

Blaine felt his stomach drop. He remembered the way that Kurt twisted his hands nervously while babbling about “those movies.” He thought maybe the idea of porn made him uncomfortable but he never would have thought that Kurt cared about what other people did.

Blaine allowed the silence to sit for a few more seconds before finally replying, “So you think I’m perverted then?”

Kurt met his gaze and after a moment of uncomfortable, embarrassed silence he said, “of course not.”

“So why would you say that? I know you don’t approve of porn, and that’s okay but I do like to watch it sometimes.” Blaine had always felt comfortable having frank discussions about sex but he felt himself shrink a little in the face of Kurt’s judgement.

“It just feels like it’s a violation,” Kurt had now sat up with his arms wrapped around his knees as though he was attempting to make himself as small as possible. “Sex is private, it’s not meant for other people.”

“I get that,” Blaine replied, “but the people in porn know they’re being filmed. They know that people are watching and getting off on it.”

“I know,” Kurt said, “it just makes me really uncomfortable to see or think about.”

“That’s okay,” Blaine replied, “you never have to watch it if you don’t want to. Do you want me to stop watching it? Does it bother you that I do?”

“I don’t know,” Kurt replied. “Is it that you don’t find me attractive enough to think about me while you...?”

“Oh,” Blaine was taken aback by this response. “At the risk of embarrassing myself I can tell you that I think about you every time. You’re so incredibly sexy to me Kurt. It’s just that sometimes my inexperienced brain needs to fill in the gaps.”

“Thanks for humouring me Blaine, but I know you don’t find me sexy.”

“What?” Blaine felt genuinely confused. When did he ever make Kurt think he wasn’t sexy?

“Sex appeal of a baby penguin, remember?”

“Oh!” Blaine felt immediately relieved. “First off, you said that, not me! And I never meant that you weren’t sexy! Just that you weren’t very good at *acting* sexy!”

Kurt looked thoughtful at this admission so Blaine decided to take his chance.

“So. Do you think about me when you’re alone?” Blaine asked, hoping the intent behind his words was clear. He wasn’t about to scare Kurt off by using the word “masturbation” or “jerking off.”

Kurt darkened instantly, “Um, I don’t really want to talk about this anymore.”

Blaine was frustrated as he stood up from the bed. “You never want to talk about this kind of stuff Kurt! I don’t want to force you to have a conversation that you’re not comfortable having but I wish we could talk about stuff like this together. You’re my boyfriend, and I feel like sex is a taboo subject! If you can’t talk to me about it, who can you talk to about it?”

Kurt had moved his hands from his knees to cover his face but he didn’t reply.

Blaine sighed, “I’m not going to push it. I just hope that when you’re ready to talk about this kind of stuff, that you’ll come to me. I’m going to go.”

As he moved around the room collecting his belongings Kurt rose from the bed and walked over, wrapping his arms around him.

“I do want to talk to you,” Kurt said, his words muffled in Blaine’s shoulder, “just not tonight.”

“Okay, I can respect that,” Blaine answered. “I do have to go though if I’m going to make curfew. I’ll text you when I’m home?”

“Please do.”

Blaine was halfway out the door before he stuck his head back in and said, “By the way, if you never want to have sex, if you’re asexual or something, that’s okay. I will never force you or judge you. I just need you to talk to me. So, if that’s what this is about, I’m okay with it.”

“Okay,” was the response he got followed by “I love you.”

***

Three more weeks had passed and the conversation with Kurt had replayed in his mind constantly. They had met up the next day for coffee and it was as if nothing had ever happened. Blaine was worried that maybe he had pushed too hard, but Kurt seemed his normal self. So Blaine was entirely unprepared when he got a text from Kurt after weeks of avoiding the topic.

**K-hey, can we talk? I was hoping we could go somewhere private.**

Blaine felt his palms start to sweat as he typed his reply.

**B- of course. Any particular topic in mind? You have me nervous over here!**

**K- oh it’s nothing bad, I’m not breaking up with you or anything! I swear Blaine, sometimes your mind runs away with you.**

**B- can you blame me?! “We need to talk” always means something bad!**

**K- I believe I said “can we talk?” which is something completely different!**

**B-** **well you’re never this serious! Now I’m worried. What do you want to talk about?**

**K- Don’t be worried. Do you not remember a few weeks ago? You said I could come to you when I was ready to talk?**

**B- oh.**

**K- yes, oh. So, can I come to your place around 3?**

**B- Yes, see you then.**

*******  
At 2:45, Blaine found himself sitting awkwardly in his front room, peering out the window. He could barely contain his anticipation of whatever Kurt might tell him.

Punctual as always, Kurt finally pulled up in his Navigator at exactly 2:59. Blaine gave up all semblance of being cool and collected and he threw his door open when Kurt was still at least 10 feet away.

Kurt laughed at his eagerness, “Were you waiting for me? Ready to hear all the sordid details of my personal life?”

Blaine pauses before answering, pulling Kurt into a deep kiss, then saying “Can’t I just be excited to see my handsome boyfriend?”

“Sure you can,” said boyfriend replied, but the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. Blaine could sense his nerves by the way he twisted his hands in front of him. As they walked up the stairs to Blaine’s room, Blaine paused and unwound his hands, pulling them into his own for the rest of the journey.

When they got upstairs, there was an awkward moment when neither really knew what to do. Ever the gentleman, Blaine sat down in his hard desk chair and spun to face the bed, gesturing for Kurt to take a seat on the bed. That sat and stared at each other in silence for a moment and Blaine watched him try to gather his thoughts.

Blaine felt himself growing awkward in the silence and he searched his brain for something intelligent to say but before his brain caught up, he found himself word vomitting something entirely not intelligent:

“I got caught masturbating by my parents once and they walked in right as I was finishing so now they both know what my orgasm face looks like and I have to live with that forever!”

The embarrassment settled in and Blaine was quite sure he had never blushed so hard in his life. Why would he bring up THAT topic after how Kurt reacted last time? What an idiot! Kurt’s mouth was gaping open like a fish so Blaine took the opportunity to try and fix it.

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I say stupid things when I’m nervous! I thought maybe if I told you something embarrassing that maybe you would feel more comfortable talking about sex with me but now I just feel ridiculous.”

“That’s actually really sweet...in a weird way,” Kurt replied, twisting his hands in front of him again. “That must’ve been really embarrassing.”

Blaine breathed a sigh of relief but he still asked, “Did I screw everything up?”

“Of course not,” Kurt replied. “You were right before, this is something we should be talking about.”

Blaine let the silence settle again as he waited for Kurt. Kurt was looking up, but his gaze was jumping around the room as he determinedly avoided eye contact.

Kurt breathed in and out a few times before he finally said “I want you to know that I do want to have sex some day. I’m not asexual, though it’s nice that you would be so supportive if I was.”

“Okay, good to know,” Blaine said.

“I do have a lot of...anxieties around intimacy and sexual stuff though,” Kurt continued, now fixated on a spot on the comforter. “It’s been going on for a long time now, and I was always too embarrassed to tell you.”

“Why would you be embarrassed? You know I don’t mind.”

“I know. And I know telling you about my anxieties won’t be a surprise to you, I revealed part of it that day I kicked you out of my room, before we were boyfriends, remember?” Kurt said, finally making eye contact.

“I do. I was always confused about why you reacted so strongly.”

“Well, I was afraid that if we started talking I would accidentally reveal the secret I have. I’ve never told anyone before.”

Blaine immediately felt worried...sex, a secret...he didn’t want to let his thoughts run away with him but he knew he wasn’t doing a good job at keeping his concern off his face. Kurt, ever observant noticed the change in his demeanour and then he smiled softly.

“Okay, I can you’re spiralling again. It’s not what you think it is. It doesn’t involve another person or anything.”

Blaine let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Phew, okay.”

“I guess I should just stop beating around the bush.” Before the next sentence even left his lips the dark flush had started to stain his cheeks again. “I can’t masturbate.”

Whatever Blaine thought he was going to say, that certainly wasn’t it. “Wait, what do you mean? I’m not sure I understand.”

“I’m sure my body works fine, it’s just that I’ve put up such a successful mental barrier around the entire topic of sex that it just...doesn’t work.” Kurt kept his gaze lowered and starting picking lint from the comforter. “I’m not normal Blaine.”

“Hey, no, of course you are!” Blaine quickly stood from his chair and moved closer to the bed. “Can I sit with you?”

Kurt nodded, still refusing to look up even as the bed dipped with Blaine’s weight. Blaine tentatively reached his hand towards Kurt’s as it fiddled with the comforter and he was happy that Kurt didn’t hesitate to take it.

“Of course you’re normal Kurt! A lot of people don’t masturbate, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” Blaine allowed his thumb to start tracing patterns on the back of Kurt’s hand.

“That’s the thing, most people who don’t do it by choice. I guess I want to, but my brain won’t let me.” Kurt was no longer staring at the comforter and instead he was watching the path being mapped out by Blaine’s thumb.

“Okay, so you want to? But you can’t?”

“Yes, it’s like when I try my brain stops me from, uh, finishing.” Blaine was quite sure he had never seen Kurt blush so profusely before. “I can get, um, hard, but when I try to do it I just can’t. So I’ve just stopped trying.”

“Why do you think you can’t?”

Kurt laughed, a bitter and piercing sound in the relative silence of the room. “I’ve spent so long thinking about that question.”

“And?”

“Well, I think it started because of my initial attitude about sex. When I was old enough to start hearing the whispers about sex in the hallways and I would be thinking about it on my own when I realized my body was responding but only when I thought about other boys. I tried to suppress it for awhile, and by then the other kids at school were starting to make fun of me for looking gay and sounding gay and I guess I was afraid that they would find out that they were right. So I just stopped thinking about it all together.”

“How did you manage that?” Blaine was incredulous. The moment he figured sex out and realized what he could do on his own that was it.

“I’m not sure exactly. I was just determined not to. I never even tried masturbating back then. If I ever got hard I would just wait for it to go away or take a cold shower or something. And then when I got to high school and the bullying got worse, I was so afraid of being seen as predatory that I suppressed those thoughts even further. I was determined to not think about sex in any way so that it wouldn’t come out when I didn’t plan for it to. I figured that if I turned the sex part of my brain off I wouldn’t make any mistakes. Sure, I would fantasize about the romance of having a boyfriend but even in my fantasies everything would just fade to black if we got that far. Just like on stage.”

“So, what changed? Obviously you started trying at some point otherwise you wouldn’t know that your body wasn’t working the way you wanted it to.” Blaine asked.

At this, Kurt looked up and made eye contact again.

“This is really embarrassing. But it was you. Way before we started going out when I had a hopeless crush on you I decided to give it a shot. I had been so nervous about it all and you were just so confident and you convinced me without even trying that being gay was okay. I mean, I had already accepted that I was gay and I was proud of it but I never felt comfortable with the sex part. I decided that it would be okay to think of you because you were gay too and you were just so open about everything. So I started trying by myself, and I realized that my body just didn’t work properly.” Kurt averted his gaze again.

“You have to stop thinking like that! Have you ever had a wet dream?”

Kurt’s blushing intensified. “Yes.”

“Okay so there you go! Your body is perfectly normal. We just have to work through whatever is going on in your mind that stops you from having an orgasm while you’re actually awake to experience it. I’m going to help you.”

“Blaine, I’m really not ready for—“

“Oh no! Sorry, I didn’t mean that I was going to ask you to whip it out or anything! I just meant maybe we can talk through all this stuff together and that might ease your mind a bit.”

Kurt looked nervous, but he still smiled at the offer. “Okay, but I think I’m tired of talking for today. Can we watch a movie?”

“Yeah of course. But can I ask you one more question?”

Kurt nodded.

“Would you be okay if we started talking about sex a bit more? I feel like it might help if you start to get a bit desensitized to the topic. You’ve put some kind of mental block on the topic and I want to help you break it down so you can comfortable with yourself. I promise that this will be private between us, I won’t bring it up in front of other people or anything.”

Kurt considered it for moment before nodding again. “Yes, I think that would be okay. I want to be more comfortable with you and I already feel so much closer to you now that you know my secret.”

“Good. So...popcorn?”

***

After Kurt left that night, Blaine spent a long time researching on his computer. It was hard to find an exact diagnosis for Kurt’s problem, but he settled on “inability to reach orgasm” and looked further into it. He had a few ideas about what might help, but he decided he would wait until Kurt brought it up again.

Surprisingly, the topic of sex came up only a few days later, and Kurt was the one who started it.

“Hey, Blaine?”

Blaine looked up from where he was folding laundry on the floor to where Kurt was sitting cross-legged on the bed. “Yes?”

“Do you remember when you told me about Wes asking you about gay sex?”

“Oh...yeah of course.”

“Well, I was thinking about it last night and I suppose I was just wondering what you thought?” Kurt was biting his lip, looking nervous.

“Well, I told him that I thought it counted as sex if both people had orgasms. What do you think? I seem to remember that you thought it was ‘obvious’” Blaine grinned.

It was reassuring to Blaine that Kurt rolled his eyes at his comment, even if the blush had already settled on his cheeks.

“Well, I guess I thought it was obvious because I was only thinking of the penis-in-vagina thing which translates to penis-in-ass situation. But I was thinking more about what you said. About how not all gay guys do it that way. Is that true?” Kurt was twisting his hands a bit again but he held Blaine’s gaze.

“Yes! Not everyone is comfortable with that, and that’s okay. There’s a lot of ways to be intimate with someone.”

“Um...okay so on that topic, I actually brought something that I was hoping we could...um...look at together?” Kurt was blushing so profusely that Blaine was almost concerned.

“Of course! What is it?”

Blaine watched as Kurt got up from the bed and picked up his messenger bag. “Okay so...my dad gave me a sex talk a few months ago and he gave me these pamphlets but I couldn’t really look at them, it made me too embarrassed. I was wondering if we could...look at them? And talk about them?”

Blaine could barely keep the grin off his face. “Yes! Of course.”

Kurt pulled them out of his bag and turned back to face Blaine. “Why are you smiling?”

“I’m just proud! You brought this up yourself and you came prepared!”

Kurt still looked a bit embarrassed but he replied, “Honestly, I felt closer to you then I ever had after I told you my secret. You made me feel comfortable and I guess I’m ready to learn a bit more.”

“I’m glad you feel comfortable with me. That’s all I wanted.” Blaine watched Kurt settle on the bed again, laying the pamphlets in front of him. Blaine folded his last shirt and placed on the top of the pile before getting up and joining Kurt on the bed. “Okay so which one do you want to start with?”

Kurt looked at the 3 pamphlets for a second before picking up “Boys on Boys” and handing it to Blaine.

Blaine scooted closer to Kurt and opened the pamphlet settling on the first heading which said “Getting to know yourself.”

“I think this would be the perfect place to start,” he said, pointing at the heading.

Kurt groaned and covered his face. “This is already so embarrassing and we haven’t even read anything yet!”

Blaine gently pried his hands from his face. “Hey, it’s just me. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Here, let’s just read the first paragraph: ‘Before you become intimate with someone it’s important to be comfortable with yourself. Spending time learning what you like will help you when you start having sex because you can share that with your partner.’”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Kurt said, the blush having permanently settled on his cheeks. “But it doesn’t explain why it doesn’t work for me.”

“Okay, let’s try a different approach. Here, this section is about hand jobs! Maybe it will give you some ideas?”

Kurt groaned but took allowed himself to read over the section. “What does it mean by ‘lubrication?’ I know what the word means, but I don’t understand it in this context.”

“Well sometimes when you’re...” Blaine started before pausing and asking “what term makes you the most comfortable?”

“Oh uh,” Kurt looked thoughtful. “I don’t really like the word ‘masturbating’ but I also think ‘jerking off’ sounds kind of vulgar. So maybe masturbating is okay.”

“Okay, so when you’re masturbating, sometimes your hand is too dry and it’s not very comfortable. That can definitely make it more difficult to...finish. Have you ever tried licking your hand or anything?”

Kurt looked embarrassed by the direct question but he still answered, “No.”

“Okay! This might help you then! There’s actual lubrication that you can buy at the store, but if you have hand lotion that would work too. Do you have any lotion that you don’t care about?”

“I did get a sample of some in the mail not too long ago. I could try that?” Blaine nodded, and then Kurt asked another question, this time looking a bit nervous. “Do you use lotion?”

“Yes, I do. Stop looking so embarrassed! You can ask me anything, I don’t mind.” Blaine quickly answered, resting his hand on Kurt’s. “Trust me, it feels way better with it.”

“Okay maybe I’ll try that,” Kurt said, fixing his gaze on the pamphlets again.

“Can I ask you a question? It’s really personal, but I feel like it might also help you.”

“Sure,” Kurt replied, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“When you try masturbating, what are you thinking about? Do you have a fantasy or something that you’re focusing on? You don’t have to give me specifics or anything.”

Blaine didn’t think it was possible for Kurt to turn any redder but he did. “Oh I don’t know Blaine, I don’t usually think of much. I’m just focusing on...um...having an orgasm.”

“Well, I think that’s part of your problem! It would be a good idea to try and relax and not think about it so hard.”

“Pun intended?” Kurt replied dryly, a small smirk on his face.

“Oh haha, very funny,” Blaine said, laughing, but he couldn’t keep the small smile of his face. “Anyway, I’m just saying, I think you might be putting too much pressure on yourself. If you just relax and let your body do it’s thing, it might be easier. You need to focus on things that you find sexy, that’ll help.”

“But I don’t know what I find sexy! Yes, I think of you, but I’m bad at imagining sexy situations. I just usually think of your face or making out with you. How do I come up with more creative scenarios?”

“Okay, I have something that you can have. But you can’t freak out!” Blaine jumped off the bed and started rummaging in his desk drawer.

“No promises until I see what it is...” Kurt said, watching Blaine sceptically.

“Aha!” Blaine said, finding what he was looking for and holding it up triumphantly.

“Is that a book?” Kurt looked confused.

“Yes...but it’s a sexy book.” Blaine blushed but he held it out for Kurt to take. “It’s erotic fiction. It’s a little cheesy but it might help you come up with some more scenarios to imagine me in.” Blaine waggled his eyebrows a bit at that statement.

“Oh.” Kurt looked uncomfortably at the picture of the man on the cover. He had quite an impressive six pack and Kurt did feel intrigued by it. The book was a little tattered and the edges were bent. He could see that certain passages were bookmarked. “Do you read this often?”

“Not as much as I used to,” Blaine replied. “Remember the friend I took to the dance at my old school? The only other gay kid I knew? Well when he found out I was gay he gave it to me. He had a cousin who worked at Barnes and Noble and they bought him a few books when he came out. I was only 14 and a little too nervous to look at porn so it was a good place to start. And I know you’re not comfortable with real people, so this might help seeing as it’s just fiction.”

Kurt was chewing on his lip again but he said “Okay, I’ll try it. Do you want to take out your bookmarks? Would it make you embarrassed to know I’ve seen what you like?”

“No, of course not. I want you to know what I like. But please remember that these are just fantasies. There’s no pressure for you to do any of these things if you’re not interested.”

“I love you,” Kurt replied as he leaned over and placed a chaste kiss on Blaine’s lips. “I have to go if I’m going to make curfew. But I promise I’ll take a look at this later.”

“I love you too. We barely made a dent in your pamphlets,” Blaine commented as he gathered them up.

“We have time for that another day,” Kurt replied. “I’ll text you later?”

“Can’t wait,” Blaine said as walked Kurt to the front door.

“Thanks again,” Kurt said wrapping him up in a hug.

Blaine felt hopeful that maybe they had made some breakthroughs.

***

The next day Blaine was heading out of town with his family. The service at his cabin was spotty, so he wasn’t able to skype Kurt like he wanted but he settled for texting. They kept their texts short and sweet, mundane things about what they were doing each day, and planning for what they’d do together when Blaine came home. Blaine was dying to ask questions—did Kurt try using lotion? Did he read the book? But he didn’t want to make Kurt uncomfortable by asking him over text so he refrained from bringing it up.

The day after Blaine got home, he met up with Kurt at the Lima Bean. Kurt had beat him there, and he was already seated with two coffees in front of him at a corner booth. He looked up when Blaine approached and leapt out of his chair to throw his arms around him.

”I missed you so much!” He said, words slightly muffled by Blaine’s shoulder.

“I missed you, too!” Blaine exclaimed, revelling in the feeling of Kurt’s arms around him again. They quickly broke apart, mindful of the public setting and sat down. 

”How was your trip?” Kurt asked, watching as Blaine stirred his coffee before taking a sip. 

”Ugh the usual. Scheduled ‘family time’ consisting of lounging around and listening to my dad bitch about his work,” Blaine replied, rolling his eyes. “But that’s not very interesting. What have you been up to the past week?”

“Oh nothing much,” Kurt replied, waving his hand in the air nonchalantly. “Working for my dad, sleepovers with the girls, shopping—“ he paused, turning red before adding, “reading a bit.”

Blaine couldn’t stop his giddy smile at Kurt’s tentative words, simple to some but for them, full of meaning. 

”What have you been reading?” He replied, trying hard to seem indifferent, though inside his heart was racing.

”I think you already know,” Kurt said, biting his lip as he gave Blaine a meaningful look, blushing still to the roots of his hair.

”I see,” Blaine said, smiling back at him. “And how was it?”

”Enlightening,” Kurt said simply, shrugging a little. “Go on—I know you’re dying to ask.”

Blaine dropped all pretence of playing it cool and leaned forward, lowering his voice. “Did it...work?”

Kurt didn’t respond right away, but he didn’t look uncomfortable. Right as Blaine was about to get impatient he replied, “yes.”

Blaine practically jumped in his seat with excitement, and Kurt rolled his eyes, clearly embarrassed but still smiling. 

”How was it? I mean—“ Blaine caught himself. “You don’t have to tell me! But as your boyfriend who aided this discovery I would love to know.”

”You’re ridiculous,” Kurt laughed. “I’m not sure what you want me to say...I guess I get what all the hype is about now.”

”This might be a really weird comment given the topic but I’m proud of you,” Blaine said, laughing with him. “You’re not going to be able to stop now.”

”Oh my god,” Kurt covered his face with his hands. “This is so embarrassing!” 

“Don’t be embarrassed!” Blaine said, pulling Kurt’s hands off his face and dropping his voice to whisper. “You have a right to explore your sexuality like this, you don’t have to be embarrassed about it. Literally everyone is doing it! Besides, orgasms are fun, and now you can have them whenever you want.”

”I guess you’re right,” Kurt smiled at him. “Thank you.”

”What are you thanking me for?”

“So many things. You didn’t judge me when I told you the truth and you actively tried to help me. And your help wasn’t you trying to ‘show me’ or anything that I wasn’t ready for. You talked me through it, gave me some ideas and let me figure it out at my own pace. It didn’t happen right away after all your suggestions, it still took a few tries, but knowing that I had your approval made it so much easier.”

“I’m glad that you felt comfortable enough to finally let go. It’s such a big step for you.”

”Can I ask you something?” Kurt asked.

”Anything.”

“Do you want more? Are you satisfied with our relationship?”

”I’m going to be honest with you,” Blaine responded, somewhat nervously. “I wouldn’t mind going a little further. But not until it’s something you’re ready for. I’m not even ready for some of the things that I want to do yet. But we could start taking some baby steps? When you’re ready.”

”I don’t think I’m ready yet,” Kurt replied, fiddling with the empty sugar packets. “But I don’t want you to feel like I’m not doing enough for you.”

”I don’t feel like that!” Blaine insisted, wanting to ease Kurt’s mind. “Even if I was ready to have sex tomorrow, it wouldn’t matter to me because you’re not, and that’s the most important thing. I never want you to feel pressured to do more than you want. I would rather stay a virgin for the rest of my life than know you’ve done something just because you think I want it.”

”Are you sure? Now that I sort of know what to expect, I can see why people want it so much.”

”Of course I’m sure! I’m perfectly happy taking it slow. Even if we never had sex, I would happy just to hold hands with you for the rest of my life.”

Blaine wanted to kiss the smile right off Kurt’s face but he was mindful of the slowly growing crowd at the Lima Bean. They just smiled at each other stupidly for a few more moments before Blaine broke the silence again.

”Besides...” he said, winking at Kurt. “That’s why they invented masturbation.” 


End file.
